Lost in Real Life

One of the hardest parts of moving to Germany has been finding my place, my life.  My first year here I was, for lack of a better word, lost.  I had uprooted myself from the southern USA and moved to my husband's hometown.  I was thrust into a life as a housewife, wife to a PhD student, an immigrant, a foreigner....I just felt lost.  One of the most difficult challenges proved to be finding friends, people I could relate to and connect with.  People other than my husband and his family and friends to share this wonderful blessing known as "life" with. I have a wonderful family here, but in order to true establish a life for myself here, I needed to find my own way. 

When I decided to move to Germany, I knew it would be challenging, but rewarding. However, I never anticipated the challenge it would be to make friends.  I remember thinking that since we were moving to David's hometown, finding friends would be easy because he already had an established group of friends.  What I didn't realize was that my husband related to his friends through things like playing soccer and drinking beer (while watching soccer games).  Whereas I relate to my friends in other ways, coffee, girl's night, and talking.  What proved to be more complex than just a battle of the sexes, was the fact that David simply did not have time. The demands on his time made by his job proved to be the ultimate champion and I was left to fend for myself when it came to entertainment.  This is not to say anything negative about my husband. He has a very demanding job. He puts 200% into his job, just as he does our life together. 

At first this was wonderful. I crave alone time and for once it was nice to have endless amounts of time without the pressures of work or school. However, it got old really fast.  There are only so many things to do when you have endless time on your hands.  Things such as reading and watching a movie became less of a joy and part of the everyday grind.  They lost their meaning, significance, and specialness.

The first year here was really difficult. There were many days that I wanted to pack up and move back home, wherever "home" was. I felt liek my dream of living in Europe had been crushed.  This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This was supposed to be the experience of a lifetime, but it wasn't.

I met lots of people in my German class.  Mostly students who were not here for significant lengths of time. Others were older, looking for a way into Germany, to make a better live for themselves and their families.  Everyone I met was transient.  It felt impossible to make friends that I could keep. 

I prayed alot during that first year here.  I felt frustrated that I had given up my life, only to be thrown into what felt like an endless pit of dispair.  It was a dark time for me. I felt isolated and alone.  I felt abandoned.

Slowly, things began to happen.  My life changed.  It started by putting myself out there. Something which I am really uncomfortable doing.  I put my name on a forum for tandem language partners.  Within days I recieved lost of emails from people wanting to meet me.  From this forum, I made my first friend of my own here.  Someone who is still a part of my life.  A German girl, who had lived in the states for a time.  We bonded over cocktail and walks with my dogs.  She loves my dogs.  My dogs love her.  We were taking a walk about a month ago and Emma actually saw my friend and started pulling me towards her, crying.  It was really sweet.

In October of 2010, I enrolled in a new German class.  One that was especially for people who were immigrants to Germany. People like me. 

It was in this class that I met my first American friend.  Another American girl married to a German boy.  Her situation, so similiar to mine.  We both move here in September/October 2009.  Our wedding were actually the same weekend.  Crazy, huh?  My husband always joked that every American in our town knows this girl.  It's true. She is such a sweet person.

Also sometime in October 2010, I received a text from another girl.  She and her husband had really moved to my city. A lady who works at her gym, another american, sings in the choir with my mother-in-law.  She and her husband are so kind and generous.  They have been such a positive influence on David and I. Both are devout Christians.  They have influenced me to finally face my fears and go to church here. Something I was really missing in my life here.

In March of 2011, I meet yet another American girl in one of my German classes.  She is married to a German man,  who like my husband, is a local and a PhD student.  She has managed to integrate herself into her husband's life her, while simultaneously creating a life of her own her.  She is also fearless when it comes to embracing life here.

Lastly, I must include my Irish friend, who also possesses immense bravery.  She moved her to be with here German boyfriend.  She is our group organizer. The reason that we all meet up weekly. She super sweet and always trying to connect and include people.  She is also a great confidant.

Today I am so blessed to have found a this wonderful group of girls that I meet for lunch/coffee every week.  A group that is slowly expanding as we meet others like us.

We talk.
We listen.
We vent. 
We advise. 
We empathsize.
We sympathize.
We console.
We celebrate.
We laugh.
We support.
We lose track of time.  :)

I love it!

Those few hours I spend every week with these girls is one of my favorite time of the week.  I love have a group of people to lose track of time. Thinking about it brings such a smile to my face.  We come from different backgrounds. Have different occupations.  Have different ideas and opinions. Different beliefs.

We do have one, very important thing in common.  We are all trying to make a life for ourselves here.  All try to navigate this multicultural family life. A bilingual life. The challenges it presents.

I am writing this post, so that my friends can now just how much they mean to me. How much I appreaciate them.  Thank you for being my friends.  You know who you are.  :)

What do I miss? Part I

I recently received an email from a friend of mine, a fellow American navigating German life.  This particular friend happens to have a connection worth it's weight in gold.  She knows someone who gives her access to the commissary at a nearby military base.  Can you see where I am going with this?  Anyway,  in her email she asked if I needed any American grocery products (i.e.  food, beauty products, toiletries, etc.).   After days of deliberating, racking my brain, and trying to predict future cravings of food from home sometimes brought on by the rare bought of homesickness that hits me for about 10 minutes every couple months  I finally made a list.

- Kashi GoLean Cereal:  my favorite cereal that I love to reach to mix in yogurt or eat plain as a snack. Plus it is loaded with protien which is perfect for veggie freaks such as myself.

- Life Cereal: Childhood favorite.  I usually can satisfy my desire for this on my trips home, but my parents are watching what they eat so there was no Life when I was last home.  Sadness for me.

- Cinnamon Life:  See above. With the added bonus of Cinammon.

-Advil:  We ran out and it is SUPER expenisve here. I am not even sure if you can buy it here in Germany, but I hear conflicting stories.

-Craisins:  Did someone say cranberry white chocolate cookies? Craisins in oatmeal is calling my name. The actually have dried cranberries here, but they are NOT the same. Not even close. David thinks they are nasty whenever I cook with them. The man also hates raisins, so his opinion is a mut point, but still...

- A1 Steak Sauce: Request from a friend of hubby's who just recently returned from living in the states.


That is it.  I miss cereal, craisins, and headache relief that doesn't involve sleeping the day away. What does that say about me? Or perhaps the better questions is what does that say about how I have adapted to life here?

I should clarify that there are other things that I miss from the USA, but I just restocked my supply in September when I was home.

-Trader Joe's Raw Crunchy Almond Butter:  Delicious, nutritious, and only like $5.  Gotta get my  ABandJ fix occasionally.

-Baking Soda:  Important if you want to bake almost anything using an american recipe.


Finally, there are the things that I always crave, but would be a fool to think that I could get here:

- a good southern biscuit
- a sweet Vidalia onion
- a Houston's veggie burger ( my first meal when I returned to the states from a summer in France back in college)
- mexican food
- bread from Great Harvest
- yellow squash
- kale
- a decently priced sweet potato that tastes like the ones from home
- Trader Joe's

For Christmas dinner in 2009,  after living here for just shy of 4 months, I requested what my family considered to be the stragest dinner ever: grilled, marinated salmon (fresh not frozen), baked sweet potatoes, and sauteed yellow squash with onions.   It was amazing...but probably only for me. :)

Thoughts

I am blessed to have the opportunity to spend my days with many people who give me a new perspective on life.

My Classmates:

These people have shown me that I live a VERY blessed life.  I was not raised amist warfare.  I have no memories in my childhood of fleeing from bombing. I have not come to Germany to make a better, more peaceful life for myself.  I recieved a good education. I am not a single mother.  I have always had good access to healthcare.  I am in Germany to enrich my life instead of trying to find a better job so I can support my family.


The Family I work for:

I am  fortuante to have family near me. I am blessed to have healthy parents.  For showing me that German and American cultures are different, but it could be much worse.


My dogs:

These two creatures have so much unconditional love for me and my husband.  It cease to amaze me.



My husband:

He always shows me that there is more than one way to do things and that BOTH can be right.